Second Year Had Me Struggling

Its been a while since the last post, partly because I forgot about this website entirely, and partly because second-year uni was a hot mess. Everyone I spoke to had said the second year was the worst, and yep it was. I think it was down to a few things, I had moved into a private rental, so navigating that after living with all my friends the year before was hard. Trying to work a job and do university meant my free time was tiny (and mostly spent on NetFlix) on top of this, I was exhausted, and ill a lot. Then just when things started looking up, bring on COVID19 to trip me up again. It was a rough one. "takes a deep breathe, looks outside at the sunshine, smiles." But let's take a look at what I did manage to do despite everything.

The Tailoring one.

I managed to pull something good out of my frustration. I am the kind of person that is often scared to finish things. in this case, it was a painting of a friend I had done. I was kinda mad at myself for not just doing it. But then it hit me like a week before we were meant to start our project (yup I did nothing all summer) why does my inability to finish a painting have to be bad? can I look at how to use this in our tailoring project? So I did. I created a coat, with the idea of an unfinished painting. I just went for it. When it came to the pattern making I hit a brick wall. Ill, sad, and exhausted I kept putting off finishing it again. what I realized later was it wasn't laziness as I kept convincing myself. It was purely the fear of failure. I was worried id do it, and not be proud of it. that it wouldn't be good enough, that no one else would like it.

But it was like as soon as I realized that, I just said "fuck it I'm gonna just do it, and if I hate it it's fine", it's not the end, it's just the beginning. Suffice to say, despite the flaws, I'm pretty damn proud. Because I know how hard it was to do.

Paris?

Okay so then right before COVID became an issue our government took seriously, I went to Paris. I mean PARIS! there was an exhibition on textiles and me and two mates said "fuck it lets go to Paris for a few days." I am so grateful to have been able to go, especially now considering none of my other travel plans happened last summer. We stayed in a creepy roadside motel ( I thought it would be better to stay somewhere cheap) (it wasn't.... all the money we saved we spent getting into Paris) but hey you gotta learn these things right? I spoke some really basic french with a terrible accent. and we saw the sights. (oh and the fabric thing) I hope to be able to do this again soon, after the third year, just go somewhere without feeling guilty for not working.

I got back from Paris, and got ill, was it the flu? was it in fact Rona? No one knows it was before the lockdown was even a thought. I was in bed for two weeks mostly just feeling guilty for being in bed. WHICH IS INSANE BECAUSE I WAS REALLY ILL! But that's the problem, we are in such a work-orientated society it feels wrong to take a break, even when your own body can't handle it. It's ridiculous, I'm trying to work on that one I promise.

MTVxIceberg

Finally, Lockdown came round to destroy our final months of uni, and then our summer plans. and we were given a competition brief. The MTV x ICEBERG one. yes, I hated the idea at first, because I didn't grow up with MTV,

shit........

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........

sorry, I forgot I was cooking and had to run to the kitchen.

What was I saying?

Oh yes, the MTV thing, yeah so I was not a massive fan of MTV or streetwear honestly. But I guess it gave me something to do over lockdown. I based it on Human connection, bright colours and just being uplifting. Because that's what I needed. In the end, it wasn't really about MTV or ICEBERG, it was about me, and what I'd want to wear if I could go out that summer if I could inspire people. In terms of development, it was the first project I've focused on developing because I had nothing else to do. I'm pretty happy it makes me happy.

Hopefully, this year will be better, Yes COVID is still a thing, but let's focus on what we can do, what makes us happy, and just keep floating.